Why is Paypal the most idiotic website in the world? Well…….imagine this. Because of their high payment fees and insistence on secondary phone SMS code logins (when they log you out every 2 minutes); you stop using Paypal for all your own business and stop using it (as a web designer) for all your client payment requirements, wherever avoidable.
When, all of a sudden, you need to use them to purchase something, as somebody else’s website (“the seller”) insist on using the completely “unusable” platform. Okay, you think – I’ll head off over to Paypal, click “pay with card”, “no I don’t want to login to Paypal” and enter all your details manually – as it’s quicker than logging into Paypal, if in fact, you can log in “at all” (read on).
You pay for your goods, you get a nice email from firstname.lastname@example.org (although you are English, you made your order in the English Language and your computer speaks English; Paypal thinks you are Italian as you ordered from Italy. Okay we can forgive that), saying your payment is good and your goods are on their way, name and email of the seller, blah, blah, blah. All good and happy so far.
Then after being promised 5-7 days delivery “airmail to Italy”, after 21 days, your goods haven’t shown up. Paypal’s tracking number (FedEx) shows delivery at an unrecognised address (certainly not the one given to the seller and Paypal and confirmed by both), signed for at the imaginary address by a mystery person that certainly doesn’t exist in our little village, contacting the seller multiple times with no reply and contacting FedEx (UK and then Italy) across two weeks with no answer and then no reply – “I know, let’s contact my bank to report a possible fraud” (my bank are brilliant – Wise; absolutely cannot fault them internationally) and then reply to Paypal’s “Assistance” (Assistenza in Italy) and after writing a long, long email and including all the details, payment, reference number and the whole story – YOU GET A F’KIN AUTORESPONDER SAYING THERE IS NO C’NT AT ASSISTANCE AND THE WHOLE ASSISTANCE DEPARTMENT IS COMPLETE BOLLOX!!! Arrrrrghhhhhhhh!
The autoresponder says go to our “Help & Resolution Centre” (that’s a f’kin joke and a half name for it) and “Report a Dispute”, so off you go hunting and find the link to report one. “Log in” it says and after 10 minutes of trying to guess your password from 5 years ago when they were first useless and put you off using them, you manage to reset your password, enter the emailed numeric code and try to log in. “We’ve SMS’ed another f’kin code to your 5 years out of date phone number it says”, with no link to change your number, report a wrong number or f’ck all useful.
So you search the f’kin useless (you’re getting a bit stressed by now) “Help & Resolution Centre” what to do if they’ve got the wrong number and it says:
And all four fucking links in the document require you to log in. (Arrrrggggghhhh even more). Getting really stressed now and considering going down the skatepark and smashing some scooter kids head in, with your skateboard.
Did this help? NO, IT FUCKING DIDN’T! “Other”, first shed load of abuse in the feedback box!
Count to 100. Compose yourself. What do you do now?
So off you go, back to the f’kin useless “Paypal Help & Resolution Centre” and after another waste of time browsing through it, find the “contact us” links:
Yeeeaaay. “Contact us”, you think, dancing around the living room. A bit more composure and you return to your seat and click it!
AND IT TELLS YOU TO FUCKING LOG IN AGAIN. AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH. I CAN’T FUCKING LOG IN YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARDS!!!! That’s what I’m contacting you to do!
Okay, you think. More composure. Breathe. Fuck the useless, stupid and idiotic “Paypal Help & Resolution Centre”. I know. I’ll ask Google. They know everything.
No “Email us” link. One for “Message us” – And it asks you to “fucking log in again”.
So here I am – putting their complete incompetence at the top of Google (do you want to be top of Google?), posting it on all Facebook pages of mine and theirs. And asking everyone to SHARE THIS PAGE’S LINK. Please help. I need a beer!
PS: Paypal; you “Contact Me” please. Might be easier. This page is 89/100 scored SEOwise and it is going viral on Social Media! I need to swap my number and register a dispute for a non-delivery. Report a possibly fraudulent seller!